Teh Ultimate strategery guide for BF2!!!

[odrater]

Man if I found this a long time ago I would be playing so much better now. This also explains why some people are so extremely talented in BF2.

Enjoy! :)

http://www.somethingawful.com/articles.php?a=3097

[Iowabrit]

there is so much truth in that............

[Pongo647]

I have tears in my eyes from laughter. Here are my favorites...

Be Painfully White and Have Your Genitals Lodged In Your Throat! - This only applies to people using the microphone battle communicator. Don't ever say anything useful on the voice com, just suddenly screech comments like "OH SHIT DUDE!" and then never ever explain what exactly you were referencing. Add a little variety to your online performance by shouting things along the lines of "no... watch out for... yeah, there you go" and then follow it up with "no, don't go there, that thing... it's there, go... yeah, no, okay." Don't worry about your microphone being too close to your mouth; people love distortion. That's why heavy metal is so popular.

Intentionally Run Into Your Own Team's Artillery Strikes! - Catch them like snowflakes on your tongue, then punish for a team kill when the snowflakes blow you to hell. If you're really talented, you can step on a teammate's land mine the exact instant the artillery kills you. Perhaps a future patch for BF2 will allow you to punish multiple people for team kills! Also maybe somebody will make a game where you just login and repeatedly press a button to punish other people and you try to obtain the least negative score.

Small Arms Fire Will Eventually Destroy Any Tank! - If you spot an enemy (or friendly) tank, and you lack any explosive devices to take it out, just crouch and shoot your pistol at it until the driver gives up and commits suicide. If you aim at its gas tank, it will instantly explode in a huge fireball, just like in that Michael Bay movie about the virgin clones who pilot flying motorcycles.

Somethingawful.com kills me, I visit regularly...

[SaskNewfie]

I think I sensed slight sarcasm in that article.

[Tortelvis]

Damn that was a good read. Have to include some of the ones that made me laugh the hardest.

Constantly Vote to Remove Your Commander! - So you can't hit a stationary target three meters in front of you, you can't successfully get in a jeep without the help of a third party, and you primarily use your keyboard to remove deer ticks from your back? It's all your commander's fault! Anything bad that ever happens you can be directly traced back to the shortcomings of your commander, including your inability to join a squad or approach a woman without shouting Internet acronyms. The only practical solution lies in the mutiny of your commander. Don't worry if you never plan on replacing him, teams don't need a commander! They just need about eight billion snipers and some guy to bunny hop around like an idiot, dropping ammo packs everywhere. If your screen doesn't show either a vote for mutiny or a vote to ban somebody or a vote to play "Strike at Karkand" message hovering on the bottom, you're obviously not playing BF2.

If You See Somebody Repairing a Vehicle, Feel Free to Take It! - They're simply preparing it for you, like a Christmas present! All your teammates want to be sure you drive only the finest and most physically acceptable vehicles. If you really want to show your gratitude, use the vehicle to run them over and then spam the "sorry" message approximately 400 times in the hope they won't punish you for a team kill. Then drive the vehicle straight into a large body of water or off a cliff while honking the horn like a retarded burn victim. Of course the chances of somebody on a public server not punishing you for a team kill are like one hundred billion infinity to -10, so remember to get really angry at them and inform them they're "spic nigger wop chink fags" when the inevitable occurs. This helpfully lets them know they are spic nigger wop chink fags.